Last night was the new Superman Returns opening. I bought my Imax tickets a week in advance and was pretty excited. Lana bailed on me at the last minute when she found out I wanted to get there two hours early to get a good seat. She acts like this is something new. Every premiere I go to, it's always the same. Anyway, she gave her ticket to Micah. We got there just as I planned to an already long line of people waiting to get seated. We killed the time bullshitting about this Halloween, a new game Micah wants to gm, and other random stuff. I was really excited about seeing Superman in the theaters again. I remember watching the originals, from two on, at the theater with my brother when we were kids. I had the t-shirt, the VHS movies, and the now highly collectible big action figure. He came with a string setup so you could fly him around the room. I used to take that thing everywhere with me.
When those opening credits started rolling I couldn't help but grin. It was just like the originals, music and whoosh sound effects. Then the story started. I was pretty into the movie until they had Superman doing some very un-Superman things. Then things just got worse. I've gotta bitch so here goes.
Superman Spoiling Rant - Go!
Superman goes away for five years to return and find Lois Lane married and with a son. So what does he do? He continues to try and win her back and even spies on her family with his x-ray vision, despite her being married. This is a character who wouldn't even peak under the masks of his fellow crime fighters out of respect for their privacy in the comics. His personal sense of right and wrong wouldn't allow him to do something as underhanded as trying to cock block a married man.
Then, they go and turn Lex into a cackling henchmen set on killing Superman. Yes, Gene Hackman's version wasn't much better, but at least he had a little more depth back then. Here's a villain that ranks up there with Magneto as far as depth and motivation. They get an Oscar-winning actor to play him then turn him into a two dimensional thug with money that wants to kill Superman with fewer lines then Jimmy. What a waste of talent.
The fatal blow is when they made Superman do the one thing he'd never do. He had sex with Lois and left her for five years. We're talking about the Big Boyscout here. We're supposed to believe that a man like Superman would leave Lois (much less have sex with her) knowing he could never be able to dedicate himself to her the way he should so long as he was Superman? No way. I groaned in my seat wanting to look away when they revealed Lois had his love child while he was away.
The last part of the movie I was just waiting for it to be over. Superman lifts an Island of Kryponite and carries it into space. He can't even be near the stuff when it's fist-sized, but he lift an island made of it??? Oh, I forgot. He had a supercharge from the sun first so that explains it....
Movie Spoiling rant over...
There, I feel better. I was really looking forward to this movie and it sucks to be let down so badly like this. I liked Brandon Routh as the new Superman even if he does look like he's sixteen and I could even accept the younger, less tenacious Lois Lane. But why get my hopes up of presenting an awesome Lex by getting someone like Kevin Spacey and not use his talent? There was a lot of respect paid to the original movies though if you're a Superman fan you'll catch em throughout the movie. The most obvious one being the "It's a bird..." bit.
After the movie Micah and I bitched the whole way back. We had to watch a good super hero movie to get the taste out of our mouths when we got back so I put on Batman Begins.
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